someone come play with my hair until the future isn’t scary anymore
I need to just go jump off a fucking cliff or something
I can’t do this shit anymore
Like for fucksake. This really has pissed me off. I know I shouldn’t compare my life with others and I shouldn’t think other people don’t have struggles, but I have a pretty good understanding of his situation. So I am going to compare the two for the sake of making me feel better about why I feel the way I do. My dad died when I was 15 & thats pretty fucking rough. It has messed with me in a way I don’t understand. I miss him terribly where I can’t even think about him. My mum has anger issues amd from the time my dad has died (or when he was working away) she would lash out at me. I can’t describe how scary and upsetting and frustrating it is with her, it’s at the point where its hard to love her. I do love her but sometimes only because she is my mum and not because I want to. I mean, do you understand how hard it is to love someone who calls you a selfish ungrateful bitch all of the time? I constantly walk on eggshells and always have to ask permission to go out and I’m 21. I don’t have my mums permission or acceptance to move out and I can’t be happy doing so without it. I work in a place where I give my 110% and it is never good enough. I am never promoted or acknowledged or appreciated. I don’t feel like I am good enough at anything I do and I feel like I am a hideous burden to everyone. I am two faced and say nasty things and I think even worse things. My friends always end up leaving me for better people and the friends I have left are uncaring and oblivious to what is going on. I want to do things on my ‘good’ days and I will pay for them no worries but they never want to do anything. They don’t care.